WDW: The Great Disney Caper
by Blue Paratroopa
Summary: The Hitchhiking Ghosts find themselves shipped off to Hong Kong Disney to work on a Haunted Mansion project. But when a diamond is stolen and a Cast Member is framed, a bunch of obscure characters have to save the day! Parody of the Great Muppet Caper.
1. Another Rampage

"Ezra, I know you're behind this!" fumed Master George Gracey as he stomped through the halls of the Haunted Mansion. "The park is going to open in a few seconds, and all the ghosts are gone!"

"Maybe Ezra is organizing something," suggested his wife, Lily. "Like a big surprise party for someone!"

"Oh, he's organizing something, but it won't be good..."

The huge mob of ghosts was hovering over the park, hidden in the ominous fog (nice touch, right?). Ezra, naturally, was giving out orders. "Alright, everyone! It's been months since our last rampage! Why, almost a year now! Why didn't we have another sooner?"

"Because that resulted in the park almost getting destroyed, then you had to terrorize Winnie the Pooh, save a ghost cow, and find love with a human named Ariel who will probably have a cameo at most in this story," chorused the ghosts in perfect unison.

"Uh...right. Well, here come the guests. CHARGE!"

Blaring music started as the ghosts happily dive-bombed the guests.

Ezra: **_Here we go again_**

_**Finally, we're back**_

Phineas and Ezra:**_ 'Cause the ghosts are out_**

_**So here us shout and all attack**_

Gus: **_Hey! A rampage!_**

Phineas: **_Finally a lot more mayhem_**

All Three: **_Led by everybody_**

Crow: **_And me_**

Phineas: **_Sure, the kids are scared_**

_**But at least we sing**_

Ezra and Phineas: **_Just forget the mouse_**

_**A haunted house is the big thing**_

Gus: **_Hey! A rampage!_**

Phineas: **_Hoo boy, I am having flashbacks_**

All Three: **_Led by everybody_**

Pop-Up Ghost: **_And me_**

Gus: **_From Frontierland_**

Phineas: **_Or down to Toontown Fair_**

Ezra: **_This park's highlight_**

All Ghosts:**_ Is just Liberty Square_**

Mickey watched from the castle. "I don't believe this! Don't they ever learn their lesson! We've gotta do something to stop them! We should lock them in the mansion! We should make them endorse movies like 'Barnyard!'

"We should let the villains take over the park again!" whispered a pair of voices.

Mickey rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Will you two get out of here!" he yelled at Pain and Panic, who had been posing as Donald and Goofy. The two imps scurried away. Mickey rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the ghosts, who were scaring everyone in the park.

All Ghosts: **_Here we go again_**

_**Entertaining you**_

_**We did this once more**_

_**Just purely for some deja vu**_

_**Hey! A rampage!**_

Uncle Deadly: **_Dedicated to the Muppets_**

All Ghosts: **_Led by everybody_**

_**Everybody**_

_**Everybody**_

_**And**_

Hitchhiking Ghosts: **_...me!_**

After all the mayhem was finally calmed down, Mickey angrily paced around the Hitchhiking Ghosts in the Judge's Tent. "I don't know what to do. You reel in all the fans, the Haunted Mansion is the most-written about attraction when it comes to Internet sites..."

"We feel proud," smiled Phineas.

"But you're ruining the park!" exploded Mickey. "Parents want to sue!"

Ezra raised his hand. "Is it as bad as the time a girl saw a Cast Member dressed as a character without its' head?"

"Nothing was as bad as that," sighed Mickey. "Still, I can't have you doing this!"

"We're bored," shrugged Gus.

"BORED! You go on adventures all the time!"

Ezra nodded. "Yeah, but when we're...working...we just stand there and move our arms."

"Didn't they used to let us talk?" asked Phineas.

"That was before Ezra started using profanities," grumbled Gus.

Ezra stood up and banged on Mickey's desk. "Freedom of speech!" Taking off his hat, the ghost began to sing a patriotic song:

_**Thy banners make tyranny tremble**_

_**When borne by the red white and blue!**_

"BLUE!" shouted Phineas and Gus.

Mickey stared in amazement and confusion. "WHAT! Look, never mind. Now, as you know, Hong Kong Disney does not have a Haunted Mansion."

"Or a Splash Mountain, or a Pirates of the Carribean, or a Peter Pan, or a Snow White, or a Mr. Toad, or a Frontierland..." continued Gus.

Mickey sighed. "I get it. We screwed up. Look, if you want to get out of the park for a while, I can send you there."

"Why would we wanna go there?" whined Ezra.

"Because," Mickey said patiently, "maybe you could scope out a good place for the Haunted Mansion and we could consider building it."

"Sounds good to me!" smiled Phineas. "Will we stay in a classy resort?"

Mickey smiled. "There's a place that I have in mind that has only gotten good reviews. In fact, all the characters that we've sent there are so satisfied, they wrote to me and said they don't want to come back! It's called...the Happiness Hotel."

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Hey! A Rampage! The first song these guys sang is back (for all we know, it could end up as their theme). Uncle Deadly was a blue dragon-like character who haunted the Muppet Theatre and sounded like the Count from Sesame Street. If a Muppet lived in the Haunted Mansion, it would be him.


	2. Happiness Hotel

The Hitchhiking Ghosts sat in the cargo hold of an airplane. "Talk about low class," grumbled Gus.

"I can't wait to get to China!" cried Ezra in excitement. "I brought my big book of stereotype jokes!"

"You'd better not say anything," warned Phineas. "That's what got us kicked out of Paris. I'm amazed we're still at Tokyo."

"Fine, fine. I won't make any witty jokes or anything. I personally think we should put the mansion in Adventureland continuing with the tradition of putting the mansion in a different area in every park!"

"Adventureland?" said Gus.

Ezra happily waved his arms around. "Yeah, you could ride a boat through and there would be tikis and a treehouse section..."

"That just sounds like a mixture of all the other Adventureland sections," Phineas pointed out.

"Well, everything would be dead."

"How about Tomorrowland?" suggested Gus.

"YES!" cheered Ezra. "Ghosts of the future! That's what we need!"

A flight attendant walked in. "We've reached Hong Kong."

"Great!" smiled Phineas. "When do we land?"

The attendant opened the cargo door. "Oh, you don't land..."

The ghosts found themselves thrown off the plane and landed with a splash in a pond. "So this is Hong Kong," said Ezra.

Phineas climbed out. "Sure is wet. Let's just find our way to the Happiness Hotel."

A woman walked by. "The Happiness Hotel? It's that way...and good luck."

"What did that mean?" wondered Gus.

"She must be being polite," said Ezra. "Either that or the hotel is actually a collapsing pile of crap and sawdust."

A little later, they were standing in front of the hotel. It was indeed a collapsing pile of crap and sawdust.

Phineas sighed. "If this is the Happiness Hotel, I'd hate to see the sad one."

"ZING!" cried Ezra.

They walked inside to find a little bird sleeping on a desk. He had a head that looked like an orange.

"Hey," smiled Phineas, "aren't you the Orange Bird who advertized juice in Florida?"

"Yep," replied the bird, "until Disney just stopped using me. There's a lot of others like me here. So what can I do for you?"

"Well, we're checking in."

"More people?" groaned the Orange bird. "Hey guys...somebody's checking in!"

"SOMEBODY'S CHECKING IN?" cried a huge crowd of characters. Music started up. That's right, it's a showstopper!

(To the tune of "Happiness Hotel")

Orange Bird: **_Well, we've got cutesy guys like Skippy who you'll really want to hug_**

_**Got guys like the Gummi Bears when their channel pulled the plug**_

_**So when your cast off by the others and you're flying through the skies**_

_**You end up here with all us obscure guys**_

"What happened to this place?" asked Gus.

"All of us were sent here," explained the Orange Bird. "We keep sending Mickey letters and E-mails asking to come home, but he never answers!"

"Hey," Phineas whispered to his friends, "didn't Mickey say that everyone LIKED it here?"

"Something weird's going on," agreed Ezra.

Creeper: **_The critics didn't like my movie, they thought it was too adult_**

Basil: **_At least I'm lucky that my film has an enormous cult_**

Professor Owl: **_Thankfully when they're forgotten, a character never dies_**

All: **_He ends up here with all us obscure guys_**

"Awesome!" grinned Ezra. "It's Professor Owl! Can you sing the Sing-a-Long song theme for us?"

"Since then I've become a heavy drinker."

"Oh...okay." The ghosts backed away.

All: **_Welcome home (welcome home)_**

_**Welcome home (welcome home)**_

_**We sit and watch dumb reruns of "Full House" and "Family Ties"**_

Toaster: **_Even us rusty machines here haven't died or gone deceased_**

Radio: **_We're hanging 'round with Disney though we're Hyperion released_**

Kirby: **_We just sit and wonder if the remake rumors are all lies_**

_Brave Little Toaster _Cast: **_Yeah, we came here with all the obscure guys_**

Gus looked around. "This is getting really creepy..."

"Hey, we like creepy!" reminded Ezra. "Right?"

Phineas gulped. "Yeah, but...they're looking at us like rabid wolves."

"What's wrong with rabid wolves?" called Li'l Bad Wolf.

Sam: **_Oh, there are bugs _**

(Ollie: **_There are bugs_**)

Sam: **_And there are lice_**

(Ollie: **_There are lice_**)

Icabod Crane: **_Sure, we have our little problems, like being upstaged by mice_**

Ezra: **_You got every character here_**

Gus: **_Some we haven't seen in years_**

Orange Bird: **_Ending up in this dump is what every Disney thing fears_**

Alley Cats: **_Though you've got your own attraction and some decent merchandise_**

All: **_You'll fit right in with all us obscure guys_**

Hitchhiking Ghosts: **_We'll fit right in_**

All: **_With all us obscure guys!_**

"You're all a bunch of freaks," grumbled an Air Conditioner in the corner.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Hitchhiking Ghosts were shown to their new room by Lampy and Radio. It was small dark and empty.

"Well, here's where you'll be staying!" announced Lampy.

Radio hopped up onto a little table. "And us too. We'll be here as your only appliances."

"That's nice, but we'll be fine," Ezra said politely.

"Be a pal!" urged Radio. "I've got Radio Disney!"

"Doesn't that only play pop songs and rarely anything that's actually Disney?" Phineas pointed out.

"Shut up."

"Let them stay," insisted Gus. "If I get bored, I can just smash them."

"Exactly!" agreed Lampy. "If he gets bored, he can...uh-oh."

Phineas yawned. "Let's just go to sleep. We'll check out the Magic Kingdom tomorrow."

They got into the fold-out bed, which folded back into the wall. "Can you turn yourself out, Lampy?" called Ezra.

"No problem. See? Total convenience!"


	3. Mulan

The next morning, the sun shone over the bright and happy Hong Kong Disneyland. In the center of it sat Sleeping Beauty Castle, which was inhabited by not Princess Aurora, but rather Mulan.

Mushu the little red dragon scamped alongside her with a cellphone. "No, no, no!" he was shouted. "I will not do a scene from _Shrek_! Me and donkey are totally different! Don't let our voices fool you!" He hung up and grabbed a parfait. "So what are we doing today?" he asked.

"We're holding interviews for Cast Members," said Mulan.

"I bet we're getting a train full of freaks."

No sooner had she said this did an eager young woman burst in. "Hi! I'm Ming-Na! Are you really Mulan? I love this park! I love Disney!"

Mushu stared at her. "I knew we were getting freaks. Did you hit your head on the way in here or do you always act like this?"

In reply, Ming-Na squealed with joy and hugged Mushu. "Oh my God! I loved you in the movie! And even the sequel!"

"What do you mean 'even the sequel?'" cried Mushu. "That was quality children's entertainment!"

"Well, you obviously love Disney," said Mulan. "That's good. Do you have any references?"

"Um...I sing all the songs from the _Lion King_! Even the African chants!"

Mushu rolled his eyes. "If you think we're gonna hire every nutcase that knows what _Der Glockner Von Notre Dame_ is, then you've got another thing..."

"You're hired," Mulan cut him off. "Is there anyplace you'd like to work?"

"Well, the Haunted Mansion would..."

"No, no, no!" Mushu suddenly yelled. "I will not do a scene from _The Haunted Mansion_! ...sorry, I get a lot of this crap."

"We don't actually have a Haunted Mansion," admitted Mulan.

"Who knows their Disney facts now?" Mushu whispered to himself.

"How about you work at Fantasyland?" smiled Mulan.

Ming-Na hugged them both again. "Sure! I'd love to! Thank you so much!"

"She's seriously creeping me out," said Mushu as they walked out the door.

Ming-Na danced around happily. "I did it! I did it! I've got a job!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Hitchhiking Ghosts had just arrived through the front gates and were looking around. "Wow, this place really is small," remarked Ezra.

"I know it's not as big, but it's still a nice little park," defended Phineas.

Gus agreed. "Beats a lot of other places."

A few people passed by. The ghosts waved, but got no reaction. "They don't know who we are!" whined Ezra. "We need a mansion here and fast!"

"There's Sleeping Beauty's Castle," pointed Phineas. "I'll go up and talk to Mulan. You two check the place out some more, but don't scare anyone."

"Go and bring honor to us all!" called Gus as Phineas headed inside.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ming-Na was still dancing around inside the castle. "I can't wait to do Disney stuff!" She suddenly fell over just as Phineas walked in.

Phineas leaned over her. "Mulan? Are you okay?"

Ming-Na stared at the ghost and sat up. "Um...yeah." She instantly recognized him as Phineas. She was a huge fan of the trio.

"I figured you'd be a little more animated-looking."

"Wow, he's naive," Ming-Na thought to herself. "He thinks the first Asian woman he sees in the castle in freaking Mulan! ...but he's cute and from the Haunted Mansion! There's something sweet about him."

As she was thinking about all of this, Phineas was talking quickly. "See, we've been sent here to propose a Haunted Mansion ride for your park. We've narrowed the location down to either Main Street or a special area just for us! I told Ezra that was pushing things and then he started ranting about Tarzan for some reason...I don't get him either."

"Well," Ming-Na said suddenly, "why don't we talk this over at dinner or something?"

"Okay, I'll meet you here tonight, I guess..." feeling awkward, Phineas quickly left. Ming-Na squealed again.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So how'd it go?" grinned Ezra outside.

"She invited me to dinner!" said Phineas, who was still not sure what had just happened.

"Nice," smiled Gus.

"Oh, remember when you said not to scare anyone?" Ezra pointed to a few traumatized kids.

Phineas groaned. "Let's just get out of here before they figured out it was you two."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They soon stood by the road, hitchhiking. "Most people would catch a bus," said Ezra, "but we go out in style!"

A car pulled up. "Hello, fellows!" called the driver.

"MR. TOAD?" chorused the ghosts.

"Indeed! Would you like a ride?"

Ezra climbed in. "Sure, but why are you in Hong Kong?"

"Coincidence, really. I was bored at Disneyland one day and started driving and ended up here!"

Phineas stared. "You DROVE from California?"

"And what fun it was!" Mr. Toad started up the car.

Gus was also confused. "But what about the...ya know, ocean?"

Mr. Toad put the keys in. "It was lots of fun."

The ghosts give each other a "we just got into the car of a crazy person" look just as Toad stepped on the breaks and rocketed down the road.

"We're gonna be roadkill!" cried Gus.

"I haven't been flattened yet!" said the determined Toad. They crashed through the walls of the Happiness Hotel.

"Are we wallkill?" croaked Phineas.

"Welcome home," Orange Bird called from the desk.

Ezra ran over and grabbed the bird. "This is not our home and it never will be! Once we get this all settled, we're going back to our good old Haunted Mansion!"

"That's what they all say." The Orange Bird laughed hysterically.

Gus nudged Phineas. "Can't wait to tell everyone about you and Mulan!"

Phineas looked shy. "I'd rather we'd keep this a secret."

"Okay...hey, Orange Bird, Phineas has a date with Mulan, but don't tell anyone."

"PHINEAS HAS A DATE WITH MULAN!" yelled the bird. The buzz spread within a few seconds.

"This just in!" said a reporter in a black and white TV. "Phineas has a date with Mulan!"

Phineas sighed. "Great..."


	4. Steppin' Out With a Star

A little later, Ezra was dancing around in their bedroom. "Wow, this is gonna be great!"

"Roosevelt would be proud!" agreed the Radio.

"Smile!" Gus whipped out a camera and took a picture of Lampy.

"I have no idea where he got that thing," admitted Ezra.

Lampy blinked at the big flash. "It sure is bright. Not bad at all."

"So," said Ezra, "what time do we meet her?"

Phineas was getting dressed as well. "We? Mulan asked ME, Ezra."

"So you're gonna really leave me and Gus here?"

"Well," shrugged Phineas, "I feel this is something I have to do alone."

"Oh..."

Phineas: **_So hand me cuff links_**

(Ezra: Yes, your majesty.)

_**And straighten by tie**_

(Ezra: I'm still on the cuff links thing...)

_**Just drench me in rich cologne**_

_**And don't ask me why**_

(Ezra: I've only got two hands!)

_**Go on and pluck me a boutonniere**_

Ezra (sarcastically): **_You're movin' up and walkin' on air_**

Phineas: **_Steppin' out with a star_**

_**And feelin' high**_

_**Come polish my wing tips**_

(Ezra: Polish your WHATS?)

Phineas: **_And call for the car _**

(Gus whistles)

_**I'll sweep her right off her feet**_

_**Wherever we are**_

Gus: **_A satin collar and velvet vest_**

Phineas:**_ I never settle for second best_**

_**Steppin' out with star **_

_**Sad times bye bye**_

_**Have I got style**_

(Ezra: Yeah right.)

_**Have I got taste**_

(Ezra: Honestly?)

_**On someone else I swear**_

_**This savoir faire**_

_**Would be such a waste**_

_**Come toss me my top hat**_

(Ezra: Get it yourself.)

_**I'm ready to fly**_

(Ezra: Whee.)

_**Bustin' into the upper crust**_

_**As easy as pie**_

_**Just watch my dreams come true**_

_**This was somethin' I was born to do**_

_**Steppin' out with a star**_

_**That star is you**_

(Phineas picks up the Radio and starts to dance. Lampy shines a spotlight on him)

Lampy: **_Have you got class?_**

Phineas: **_Have I got class_**

Radio: **_Have you got chic_**

Phineas: **_Have I got chic_**

_**To think that just us three were nobody**_

_**Why only last week**_

Gus: Hey, guys!

(Gus takes a picture of the four, although Ezra isn't smiling)

Phineas: **_I'm ready to fly_**

(Phineas crashes into a wall)

_**At least I can try**_

_**Just watch my dreams come true**_

_**This is somethin' I was born to do**_

All Five: **_Steppin' out with a star_**

_**Bye bad times**_

_**Steppin' out with a star**_

_**Hey good times**_

_**Steppin' out with a star**_

_**And feelin' high**_

Yeah!

Ezra sulked on the bed. "So I hope you have a good time...without us."

Phineas rolled his eyes. "You can come...I guess..."

"You mean it!" cried Ezra.

Gus opened a door, revealing all the hotels' inhabitants waiting outside. "Guys! Phineas says we can come!"

"I'm a pushover, aren't I?" sighed Phineas.

"But we love you anyway," said Ezra, heading out. "I call shotgun!" They all piled in a bus and drove towards the park.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Ming-Na was sneaking across Main Street. "I've gotta be quiet...make sure no one sees me..." Someone poked her. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

"Um, where are the bathrooms?" asked a guest.

"Right over there! Have a magical day!"

"Whatever."

Ming-Na went back to sneaking.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I tell you," Mushu was complaining in the castle, "that new girl is a nutcase!"

Mulan just laughed. "Don't worry, Mushu, she'll fit in here fine."

"Only place she'd fit in is with a pack of rabid dogs."

Ming-Na hid as they walked by and then used a key to open a door leading to Mulan's apartment where she planned to meet Phineas.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, the guys all arrived at the castle.

Phineas walked inside. "I'll go pick her up."

As Phineas walked in, Mulan was leaving. "If you'll excuse me, Mushu, I have to meet with someone. Mickey called me and said something about three ghosts around here. The way he described them, I'll probably be able to find them in a second."

Phineas ran over when she was gone. "Hey, you're Mushu!"

"Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot my own name," Mushu said sarcastically. "And I assume you're the ghost she's looking for."

Phineas blushed. "Aw, she's looking for me?"

"Don't get your hopes up, she's married."

"Oh, right."

Phineas was walking into Fantasyland when Ming-Na literally dropped in front of him. "Okay, let's go!"

"How did you do that?" gasped Phineas.

"Ever scale a Disney castle before?"

"Yes. Yes I have."

The gang all stared in confusion when Phineas and Ming-Na arrived. "Uh...that's not Mulan," whispered Gus.

Ezra sighed. "Knowing Phineas, he was probably so naive that he thought the first Asian woman he saw in the castle was freaking Mulan! But if she's with him, she obviously likes him. Guys, don't screw this up!"

Ming-Na looked disappointed. "Oh. You brought...friends."

"Sorry, they sort of made me. Hey, where are we going, anyway?"

Ming-Na thought for a second. "Um...the Crystal Palace?"

"Okay."

Ezra jumped behind the wheel "The only thing we need is a little blaring travel music!"

Alley Cats: **_Gimme my good friends_**

''_**N play me my music**_

_**Yeah, gimme my night life**_

_**Talk me that guitar**_

''_**N roll me that boogie**_

_**Hey, gimme my night life**_

_**We'll dance in the moonlight**_

_**We'll rock until dawn**_

_**'N if you can not dig it baby**_

_**I'm movin' on**_

_**Sing me the good times'**_

_**Cause I need the feelin'**_

_**Yeah, Gimme that night life**_

_**Gimme that night life**_

**_Gimme that night life!  
_**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mulan was walking through the park when she was approached by a shaky man.

"Uh-uh-hey," said the man. "The name's Nick. I was looking for you. You're Mulan, right?"

"Yes I am, but I was sort of looking for some ghosts myself..."

"Hichhiking Ghosts? Forget about them?"

Mulan stared at him in surprise. "How did you know?"

"They just sped off. Look, I'm doing an...uh...article on the stone dragon statue. The one kept in a vault in the castle."

"I actually have a picture of that." Mulan showed him.

Nick screamed in horror. "AAAAHHHHH! It's missing a hand! It's virtually worthless without a part!"

"I know that. I always keep one of the hands with me."

Nick backed away. "I see..." Quickly, he left. Mulan wondered...what was that about?


	5. A Robbery

The bus full of characters pulled up in front of the Crystal Palace. The Hitchhikers and Ming-Na got out, but Ezra stopped everyone else. "Okay, the only guys who can come in with us are the appliances, 'cause they don't actually eat anything."

The Radio eagerly hopped off. "Wonderful!" He waved his antenna at the others. "I always knew I was holier than thou!"

"What a snob," grumbled the Orange Bird. He and the others drove away.

Ming-Na and the others looked around the classy Crystal Palace. A band was even there, playing "Steppin' Out With a Star."

"Wow," marveled Ming-Na, "what I nice place."

Phineas sat down and checked the menu. "Oh my," he whispered to Ezra. "The Mickey Mouse pancakes alone will cost us way too much!"

Ezra grinned. "Relax, I have an idea. Go and dance with 'Mulan.'"

"Will do!"

"Good thing this wasn't a character meal," said Gus, "or we'd be doomed."

"So what's the plan?" asked Lampy.

"Will it be hard?" Blankey said quietly.

"Not at all!" said Ezra, grabbing the Toaster. "All we need to do is take some napkins, stuff them in the Toaster and pass them off as lumpy meat!"

"GAH!" squealed the Toaster, as the napkins were stuffed into his slots. "I'm being violated!"

"Look," Ezra said, jamming more napkins in, "the Muppets are technically violated everyday. Get over it."

"This is the worst plan in the world," groaned Kirby.

"Ooh, the vacuum is insulting me," Ezra shot back. "You suck!"

"Real clever."

Gus hopped out of his seat. "Looks like it's up to Gus..." He ran over to a random person and took a picture of him. "Ten bucks, please."

"I don't want my picture taken!" protested the man.

"Too late."

"Will you get out of here?"

Gus raised his ball and chain. "Don't make me smack you!"

Ezra quickly pulled the little ghost away. "We can ambush him in the parking lot, but not here. Now, I think I'll try to toast the napkins again. I he screws it up, I'm taking him to the junkyard!" He turned to Blankey. "I'm just kidding!" He turned back to the Toaster. "No I'm not!" He turned to Blankey again. "Don't worry, I am."

As all this was happening, Mulan came in with Mushu. What a coincidence!

"So he was asking about the stone dragon?" said Mushu. "He's after it, man!"

"I think everything will be fine. When he found out it was missing a hand, he backed off."

"Still," said the dragon. He looked out onto the dance floor. "Hey, isn't that the crazy girl YOU hired?"

Phineas was indeed dancing with Mulan. "Um, could we talk about the Haunted Mansion now?"

"The what?" said Ming-Na.

"The Haunted Mansion," repeated Phineas. "The ride I'm from."

"Right, right, sorry. I know. I'm just lost in your eyes."

Phineas smiled awkwardly. "Oh...okay..."

Nick, meanwhile, had come as well and was hiding with three attractive women: Carla, Marla, and Darla. "Okay, girls, you know what to do. Spread out."

Chorus: **_The first time you see her_**

_**No bolt from the blue**_

Ming-Na: **_Just something so quiet_**

_**That's waiting for you**_

Chorus: **_With no one to tell you_**

_**Where you've got to go**_

Ming-Na: **_The first time it happens_**

_**You know**_

Phineas: **_The first time you see her_**

_**No magical change**_

_**No angels appearing**_

_**No dreams to arrange**_

Chorus: **_Just warmer and colder_**

_**Than springtime or snow**_

Phineas: **_The first time it happens_**

_**You know**_

Chorus: **_And so you fall_**

_**And how complete it is**_

_**And for each new moment that it lasts**_

_**How sweet it is**_

Both: **_The first time together_**

_**How simple, how rare**_

Ming-Na: **_And just when you thought_**

_**You'd forgot how to care**_

Phineas: **_And though you feel much more_**

_**Than you'd dare to show**_

Both: **_The first time it happens_**

_**You know**_

Phineas stumbled back to the table, landing on Kirby. "Watch it!" growled the vacuum.

"Good job!" smiled the Toaster. "You're dancing with the stars!"

"I think that's a TV show," said Lampy.

Phineas just looked onto the dance floor. "She's a great dancer!"

Chorus: **_The first time you see her_**

_**No magical change**_

_**No angels appearing**_

_**No dreams to arrange**_

_**Just warmer and colder**_

_**Than springtime or snow**_

_**The first time it happens**_

_**You know**_

"Wow, what a number!" cheered the Radio.

Nick was enchanted himself with Ming-Na. "Look at that woman out there..."

"Don't get distracted," warned Marla.

"But she's amazing..." sighed Nick.

"You know," remarked Phineas, "I didn't realize Mulan could dance."

Ezra and Gus gave eachother a look. "Uh...yeah."

Suddenly, Nick burst into the scene and started dancing with Ming-Na.

Chorus: **_And just when you thought_**

_**You'd forgot how to care**_

_**For the first time**_

_**For the first time**_

_**The first time it happens**_

_**The moment it happens**_

_**And suddenly there's a whole new world**_

_**The first time it happens**_

_**The first time it happens**_

_**The first time it happens**_

_**You know!**_

Just as the song finished, the lights went out. In the darkness, everyone heard Mulan scream: "The dragon!"

Hearing this, Gus took a flash picture.

"What's going on!" Lampy turned on his light and started scanning the room, only to be pushed off the table by someone (Darla, actually). "Holy mother of Edison!" squealed the lamp. "My bulb broke!"

The lights come back on, revealing a shocked Mulan.

"What happened!" cried Mushu.

"The stone dragon hand was stolen!" gasped Mulan.

"Dang."

Phineas looked at the animated woman and finally did some math. "Wait a second...Mulan owns the stone dragon, so..." He turned back to Ming-Na, who disappeared out the door, leaving her glass slipper behind.

"I got a picture of the thief!" whispered Gus.

Phineas said nothing. He just picked up the slipper and gazed longingly at it.

...wait, did I just say "glass slipper?"


	6. Couldn't We Ride

Phineas, Ezra, Gus, Radio, and Lampy sat in the Happiness Hotel's bathroom, developing the pictures.

"I can't believe she wasn't Mulan," sighed Phineas.

Ezra rolled his eyes. "I can't believe you couldn't tell that she wasn't Mulan."

"You knew?" said Phineas, a little hurt.

"We've seen the movie, genius," grumbled Gus.

"She obviously had the hots for you," the Radio pointed out.

"Or maybe she was just trying to make fun of me," said Phineas.

Ezra groaned. "No one goes through that much trouble to make fun of people except us."

Gus noticed Lampy looking depressed. "What's your problem?"

"A lamp is only as good as its' bulb, and I've lost mine."

"Get over it!" cried Ezra. "Once we get money, we'll by you the biggest watts we can!"

Lampy cheered up a little. "You mean it?"

The Orange Bird angrily banged on the door. "Hey! Some people need to use the can, guys!"

"And some people need to incriminate others!" called Gus.

"Well, I can't hold it!" replied the bird.

"Gurgi is in such pain!" cried another voice outside.

Phineas stared in shock at the developing picture. "Hey, the thief is that guy the fake Mulan was dancing with!"

Suddenly, the door was broken down by Sam and Ollie's cannon. "I knew there was a reason we had this thing," said Sam.

"There goes the picture..." sighed Ezra, as the exposed photo dissolved.

"Crap," said Gus.

The Orange Bird fluttered in. "Yeah, well, some of us need to take a crap."

"That's disgusting!" moaned Phineas. "I'm going for a walk, guys."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phineas found himself sitting on a bench at the park. A scruffy-looking man sat next to him. "You look like you've got troubles, friend."

"I sure do," said Phineas. "See, there was this---"

"Wait, don't tell me. I've heard this story millions of times. This movie comes out. _Lilo and Stitch_. You like it, even though the emotion at the end is forced as hell. You even buy a little plush alien, 'cause he's adorable. Then _Stitch: The Movie_ comes out. You watch it, and it's okay, but it's obviously just there to set up for the TV series. This is when things get bad. The series is cliché in many senses. There's a 'go inside someone's body' episode, a 'go back in time' episode, a 'stuck with someone you hate' episode, a few 'competition' episodes, an 'amnesia' episode, a 'switch bodies' episode, a 'people fall in love thanks to magic' episode, the list goes on and on. What's wrong with these writers? (Of course, this whole thing we're in is _The Great Muppet Caper_, but that's besides the point.) Every episode has a tacked-on preachy moral as well. You only watch it for the funny guy with all the sandwiches. Then _Lilo and Stitch 2 _comes out. But wait a second, wasn't _Stitch: The Movie_ the second one? Shouldn't _Stitch Has a Glitch _be _Lilo and Stitch 3_? The Tarzan series pulled the same thing, actually. If this ain't bad enough, he gets his own ride and then a fourth movie! _Leroy and Stitch._ Thankfully, this wraps the whole thing up. Even _Aladdin_ and _The Lion King_ only had two sequels! (And apparently, there's a _Little Mermaid _sequel coming up as well). So you're sick of Stitch. And that, my friend, is your story."

Phineas just stared at him. "Wow. You are one hundred percent wrong. I mean, none of what you said has been right."

"So you're a Stitch fan?" asked the man.

"No, you're right about that, as cute as he is...look, I'm in the middle of a story right now, so..."

"Oh, sorry. I'll just be going," the man started to leave, but then turned around. "Wait, would you like to buy a Stitch plush?"

"Get out of here!" shouted Phineas. From a distance, he saw Ming-Na, also going for a walk. "You!" he hissed, dramatically pointing a finger at her. "You're the fake Mulan!"

"I was just..."

"I bet you don't know anything about Disney!"

"I do too!"

"Always dancing with other guys..."

Ming-Na smiled. "Are you jealous?"

"No..."

"You are! You are, you are, you are!"

"I'm leaving."

Ming-Na quickly stopped the ghost. "Wait! The only reason I lied was because...I wanted to be with you."

She and Phineas looked into each other's eyes. Within a few minutes, they were on bikes, riding through the park.

Phineas: **_Pretty day_**

_**Sunny sky**_

_**Lovely pictures**_

_**Dance in your eyes**_

Ming-Na:**_ It all seems so right_**

Phineas: **_It all feels so rare _**

Ming-Na: **_Summer soft_**

_**Sudden breeze**_

_**Watch the wind**_

_**Play tag in the trees**_

Both: **_The world is so bright_**

_**So perfectly fair**_

Chorus: **_Lovers sing_**

_**Children dance**_

_**For a minute**_

_**We've got a chance**_

Phineas: **_Why couldn't we fly_**

Ming-Na:**_ I know we'd get by_**

Chorus: **_Sunny sky_**

_**Pretty day**_

_**Just a push**_

_**And we're on the way**_

_**Yes couldn't we ride**_

Both: **_Side by side_**

Chorus and Ming-Na: **_Why couldn't we fly_**

Phineas:**_ I know we'd get by_**

(Gus rides over)

Gus: **_Sunny sky_**

(Ezra, who is obviously having a hard time, rides by and abruptly crashes into a tree)

Ezra: AAAAAHHHHH! ...**_Pretty day_**

(Toaster, Radio, Lampy, and Blankey ride by on a chair being pulled by Kirby)

Appliances: **_Just a push_**

_**And we're on the way **_

(Everyone else rides over as well)

Ollie: **_Yes couldn't we ride_**

Phineas and Ming-Na: **_Side by side_**

All: **_Couldn't we ride_**  
Everyone continued through the park, although Ezra hitched a ride himself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The man in the park's views on Stitch are also mine. I love the alien, but there's a thing as too much.


	7. Framed

The next day was an exiting one. After being bothered endlessly by merchandisers, Mulan grudgingly organized a Disney fashion show.

"That guy who was asking about the stone dragon totally stole it!" Mushu said to Mulan on Main Street, where the fashion show was taking place. "I mean, come on! It's so obvious!"

"I know, I know," said Mulan, "but I don't have any real proof. Besides, I haven't seen him anywhere."

"...since that night where he was randomly dancing with the crazy lady," finished Mushu. "The two freaks would go together perfectly."

"I announced in a press release that I'm storing the rest of the dragon in the castle's vault," said Mulan. "Although it's worth nothing now, I still like it and don't want anything bad to happen."

Ming-Na ran by. "Coming through!"

As she passed an alley, Nick stepped out and grabbed her. "Hey-uh-uh-uh...hi."

"Hi."

Nick continued to stare at him. "I like the dress you're carrying."

"Oh, it's not mine," Ming-Na smiled polietly. "It's a Sleeping Beauty dress."

"I think you'd look good in it."

Ming-Na continued to smile, but began to back away. "Um, thank you."

"Marry me," said Nick.

There was a long, long pause.

"No."

Phineas walked over. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." As "Gone With the Wind" music swelled, Ming-Na grabbed Phineas and gave him a romantic stage kiss.

Wide-eyed, Phineas walked away. "Wow, I like it when nothing's going on!"

As soon as Phineas and Ming-Na had left, Marla snuck over to Nick. "Will you forget her?"

"I can't," sighed Nick.

"Honestly," said Carla, "this is worse than your insane lust to Miss Piggy!"

"Wouldn't you if you were a guy?" defended Nick.

"She's voiced by a man," said Darla.

"LIES!"

Carla rolled her eyes. "Please. We have to stage this thing now! Before Mulan sees you!"

"Fine..." said Nick. "Forgive me, Ming-Na."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ezra, meanwhile, was sitting in the audience with Phineas. "Man, there's nothing better than models dressed as Disney characters! I'm harder than watching that Snow White chick on 'America's Got Talent.'"

"I'm surprised they actually aired that," said Phineas. "It was quite low class."

"I know, I loved it! I wonder if any of these girls will strip, too?"

"I highly doubt we'll be seeing stripping on this trip."

"You never know," Ezra turned back towards the stage. "TAKE IT OFF, JASMINE!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Backstage, Marla fell over for no apparent reason. "I think I broke my leg!"

Ming-Na rushed over. "Marla! I'll stay with you always! Girl power!"

"No!" cried Marla. "You have to take my place and be out there in the show!"

"Me?"

"Put on the Sleeping Beauty dress and get onstage."

Hearing this, Nick looked upwards. "Yesssssss!"

"Next up is our Princess Aurora costume!" announced Mulan.

Ming-Na walked onstage.

"Isn't that your girlfriend?" Ezra whispered to Phineas.

"Hubba hubba, you bet it is!"

Mushu groaned. "I'm gonna have nightmares about this."

Ming-Na, caught up in the moment, went into a fantasy sequence with pools and swimmers and fireworks and all that crap.

Chorus:**_ A miracle of spring_**

_**A miracle of beauty**_

_**Bedazzled by the magic of one smile**_

_**A vision of loveliness**_

_**A universe of charms...**_

-

-

-

-

You know what? I really don't feel like stealing an entire scene from this movie. That's common plagerism. Even in "Couldn't We Ride," (which boosted the plot by showing Phineas and Ming-Na together) I at least smashed Ezra into a tree. Besides, the whole thing comes to a screeching halt at this scene anyway. Nope, I'm cutting to after the song when Ming-Na falls into a fountain and snaps out of it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ming-Na fell into a fountain and snapped out of it. "I'm okay! Just a musical fantasy sequence! We've been there, right?"

All the guests stared, and all the Disney characters nodded.

Darla handed something to her. "Here. It's your shirt."

"Right, something dry." Ming-Na put it on and the stone dragon hand (put in by Nick) fell out of the pocket.

Mushu pointed at her. "That's the stone dragon hand! I knew she stole it!"

"You did?" said Mulan.

"Of course! The freaks always do! Arrest that man!"

"But she's a woman," said a guard.

"Just do it."

The guards grabbed Ming-Na and started to walk out of the park. "It wasn't me!" shouted Ming-Na. "It was that Nick guy!"

"Don't worry, Ming-Na!" called Phineas.

Ezra walked over to Mulan. "Man, you're cold. It was obviously planted on her."

"I'm sure a trial will explain everything," said Mulan.

"I say we throw the book at her!" suggested Mushu. "Literally, I wanna smack that girl so bad."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Backstage, Nick sadly announced to the girls, "The deed is done."

"Now all we have to do is get into the castle's vault and steal the rest of the dragon!" cried Carla. "We'll be rich!"

Gus was listening from under a table. "Score."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that day, everyone was in the Happiness Hotel, listening to Gus's story. "...so I was under the table, grabbing at girls' legs when I overheard those guys planning to steal the stone dragon tonight!"

Ezra stood up. "Well, we've gotta go after them!"

"Yeah!" agreed the Orange Bird. "We're with you! Anything to get out of this suck hole."

"Just a warning everyone," announced Phineas. "There could be physical violence, there could be gunplay, and there's the slightest chance that someone might get killed. So if anyone wants to quit, now's the time to say so."

"I'm out," said O'Malley.

"I'm staying with the suck hole," said Orange Bird.

Lampy hopped away. "First my bulb, now this!"

Professor Owl pulled out a flask.

"Shame on you!" cried Ezra. "Look, even though I'm a ghost, I'm scared! But Ming-Na is Phineas's friend! And he hasn't even scored with her yet! Have you?"

"Women mean more to me than that," said Phineas.

"Me too. Just making a point. We don't want the bad guys to win! For justice!"

Orange Bird sighed. "Wow...he's actually right."

"I'm in," said O'Malley.

"Let's win one for the Gipper!" cheered Radio.

"Yeah, I was only kidding," said Lampy. "It'll be fun risking our lives and everything."

"Great!" said Phineas. "Now let's get ready!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ming-Na was sitting in jail. Gus was suddenly thrown in the cell with her. "Gus! What are you doing here?"

"Well, I was sent here to tell you that we're gonna stop the guys trying to steal the stone dragon, but they thought I was a prisoner. I told them this was my cell."

"That's great!" said Ming-Na. "But what do we do until the heist?"

"I brought a Gameboy."

"Ooh, does it have Tetris?"


	8. The Kinda Dirty Heist

Just a warning before you read this: This chapter is dirty. I mean, it's really pushing things. So if you're easily offended, please skip this. Thank you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ezra, Phineas, and the gang at the Happiness Hotel piled into the bus. "Here we go!" cried Phineas. Icabod stepped on the gas and they were off.

"Now this is exiting!" cried Ezra. "All we need to do is knock the guards out, which Gus can do in a second, and then..."

"Gus never came back, remember?" reminded Phineas.

"Uh-oh. How do we get in?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ezra and Phineas nervously stood outside the park gates, talking to a guard.

"Hey, buddy," grinned Ezra, "how's it going?"

"It is passed closing time! Come tomorrow!"

"No, you've got it all wrong!" said Phineas. "We're doing a...Disney 411!"

"Where are the cameras?" asked the guard.

"Hidden?" guessed Ezra.

"Why must they be hidden?"

Phineas looked at the ground. "Well, uh, um..."

"We WANTED our interview with you to be spontaneous and realistic," explained Ezra, "until you went and ruined it. Thanks a lot."

"I do not believe you," glared the guard.

"I'm so bad at improv..." sighed Phineas.

As they talked, everyone snuck behind the guard into the park.

"Would you believe that we're here to sell you soap?" stalled Phineas.

"SOAP?" exclaimed Ezra. "I could have thought of something better than that! What the hell is your problem?"

"I'm trying! I'm trying!"

The guard sat down and watched them argue. "This is quite interesting."

Ezra smiled. "Oh...it is, it? Hey, Phinny! You're a tub of lard!"

"What!" gasped a hurt Phineas, not realizing that Ezra was acting.

"And another thing!" continued Ezra. "Your mama's sooooooooooooooo dumb that people make 'your mama jokes' about her! BURN!"

"I told you I was trying!" said Phineas.

"That's what your mom said in bed last night, but I LEFT HER!"

"Bring it on!"

The two of them sprang at each other and fought. "Wait a second," said Phineas, "she's technically your mom too."

"Oh. Uh...you're still fat!"

"I'll kill you!"

Ezra suddenly stopped and peered over the gate. "Hold on a sec. Is everyone in? Good. Okay, unnamed guard, that about wraps it up for our..."

"Disney 411!" they sang together.

"See you later!" called Phineas. They ran away. Once the guard turned his back, they flew over the gate.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Ming-Na and Gus sat in jail. Gus still had the Gameboy. "Dang it! I keep losing to King DeDeDe! How's a penguin so hard?"

"I'm worried, Gus," said Ming-Na. "They could be in trouble. We have to break out! Is your ball and chain heavy enough to smash through a cell wall?"

"Probably...hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Of course!" smiled Ming-Na.

Using the ball, Gus destroyed the Gameboy. "TAKE THAT, DEDEDE!"

"No, Gus..." sighed Ming-Na. She grabbed Gus's ball and chain and smashed through the wall. "We've got some friends to help!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at Hong Kong, everyone had climbed to the top of the castle. "Okay," said Ezra, "now look for an unlocked window."

Ollie looked down at the park gate. "Better hurry, guys! The thieves are here as well! They've tranquilized the guard!"

"How come we didn't do that?" wondered Sam.

The Toaster walked by. "It's probably too hard for us guys to get drugs."

"I beg to differ." Professor Owl put a few "ingredients" into his drink.

Ezra whipped out a camera. "I'd better take a few pictures of this."

"Hey," said Phineas, "did you really mean that stuff about me being fat?"

"Well, uh...you're not really thin..."

"YOU FEEL PAIN NOW!" Phineas jumped for Ezra, but ended up smashing though the castle's tower and falling through several floors, leaving big holes. He ended up landing on the thieves, who were in the act of stealing the stone dragon.

"Well," sighed Ezra, "I guess that could be referred to as the element of surprise...GET THEM!"

The Disney characters all jumped down and attack the thieves. The room was instantly a battlefield with lots of cartoon slapstick.

"Do something!" cried Carla, shaking off Mr. Toad from her leg. "They're actually doing well!"

"I have an idea," said Darla. "Take off the costumes!"

The girls all took off their (incredibly tight) costumes to reveal underneath that they were Ursula, Madame Medusa, and Helga (from _Atlantis_) in disguise.

"We've been fighting THEM!" gasped Ezra. "But that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!"

"It cost me a lot to hire them," admitted Nick.

"Man," sighed Ezra, "I shoulda used my hands on the Atlantis woman..."

Helga smiled at him. "Oh, you feel that way?"

"Uh..."

"Then get a load of THIS!" Almost at random, Helga began to take off her shirt.

Helga: **_What good is sitting alone in your room?_**

_**Come hear the music play**_

Phineas's eyes widened. "What is she doing...?"  
Helga: **_Life is a Cabaret, old chum_**

_**Come to the Cabaret**_

Ezra freaked out. "Holy crap, she's STRIPPING! YES! I told you! Wait till I tell Ariel about...holy crap, she can't know I watched this!" The ghost frantically covered his eyes. "AAAAHHHHH! Put it back on! Put it back on!"

"Gurgi wants some munchings and crunchings...just not the kind you think."

"Man," said Lampy, "she literally turns me on."

"My antennea just got all hard and stiff," said Radio. "What's that called again?"

"A 'wire.'"

Behind them, Ursula, Nick, and Madame Medusa were quickly sneaking away with the stone dragon, happy to have a distraction.

"Now why can't you have an obsession with her?" hissed Medusa to Nick.

"Because she could kill me in a matter of seconds."

Helga: **_Put down the knitting_**

_**The book and the broom**_

_**Time for a holiday**_

_**Life is Cabaret, old chum**_

_**Come to the Cabaret**_

Helga tossed her shirt into the crowd of characters, where Kirby vigorously sucked it up.

Meanwhile, the Toaster and the Blanket were sneaking across a ledge over Helga. "I've gotta land myself right on her!" said Toaster. "I can't believe the others, going crazy for a partially naked woman."

"Gee, Toaster," said Blankey, "I always knew you were really a girl!"

"I am not! I'm a guy! ...at least, I think I am."

"Holy crap..." Ezra said, almost completely in a trance, "she's reaching for the bra!"

"We'll be hers in a matter of seconds!" moaned Phineas.  
Helga: **_Start by admitting_**

_**From cradle to tomb**_

_**Isn't that long a stay**_

_**Life is a Cabaret, old chum**_

_**Only a Cabaret, old chum**_

_**And I love a Cabaret!**_

At the end of the song, Toaster jumped and landed on Helga's head, knocking her out cold.

"Yay, Toaster!" cheered Ezra. "Let's save that dragon!" All the guys attacked the three remaining thieves.

The four other appliances ran over to their fallen friend. "You okay, Toaster?" asked Kirby.

"How did it feel to actually touch her?" asked Lampy.

As if in response, some warm bread popped out of the Toaster.

"I didn't know you had bread in you!" said Radio.

The Toaster stared at him in a daze. "I...didn't."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ming-Na and Gus zoomed down the road in a motorcycle. "Where did we get this again?" called Gus.

"Plot department."

"Oh yeah..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the castle, Ezra was sword fighting with Madame Medusa. "En garde!" cried the zany ghost. "This is what I call a fight scene, right?"

The black and white TV was on, and the _Brave Little Toaster_ newsman was reporting. "Welcome to Disney's Wide World of Sports! It's ladies night here, and the guys can't keep their hands off of them!"

"Hey," defended Phineas, "we've gotta fight, right?"

The newsman smiled weakly. "I was talking about Helga's unconscious body."

"Don't judge us!" called Orange Bird.

Managing to avoid the fray so far, Nick had put the dragon on wheels and was quickly rolling it out when Ezra jumped in front of him. "And where do you think you're going?" Ezra pushed the dragon the other way like a hockey puck. "Yee-ha! Let's go, guys!" He climbed onto the dragon and rolled off.

"Over hear!" signaled Phineas. He jumped on the dragon and rode around the castle, occasionally stopping to chase the villains.

"And now the stars from 'America Sings' to give a lesson on fight songs..." announced the newsman.

Sam and Ollie: **_Go Disney!_**

_**Roar down the field**_

_**Our team will never fail**_

_**Go Disney!**_

_**We'll never yield**_

_**See how the foe turns pale**_

_**Cheer as we march to the fray**_

_**Onward to history**_

_**All for one we'll fight**_

_**Until there's victory at last**_

_**For you and me **_

"Enough fun, Ezra," said Phineas as the two birds sang. "Let's just ride out of here!"

"One more thing..." Ezra held up a camera. "I've been taking pictures the whole time! Mostly of Helga doing the naughty, but we've got all the evidence we need now!"

"Great! You want a shot of you?"

"Love one. Wait, let me pose!" Ezra held his arms out. "I'm flying Jack!"

Everyone cheered as Phineas took the shot and headed for the castle's exit.

All Disney Charactets: **_Go Disney_**

_**Roar down the field...**_

Suddenly, Nick grabbed a dancing Kirby and used him to suck Phineas right off the dragon. "Nobody move! I've got the ghost, the pictures, and the vacuum!"

"He's got our friends!" shouted Ezra. "I want his head on a platter!"

Nick held up a gun. "...and a gun," he finished.

"And a gun," repeated Ezra, backing up.

"When the guards find you here, you'll be in big trouble!" Nick started to run for it. "Come on, we're getting out of here."

Suddenly, Ming-Na burst through the stained glass windows on the motorcycle and came down on Nick. Phineas and the camera popped out of Kirby.

"Did I miss the fight scene?" asked Gus.

"Afraid so," admitted Phineas. "But we took pictures!"

"Sweet."

Phineas and Ming-Na embraced. Nick started to get up, before Gus dropped his ball and chain on the villain's head. "I feel better now."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once again, sorry if anyone was offended.

Oh, and I think they've recently stopped doing the "Disney 411," but it was too fun to resist.

The fight song is on the Muppet Caper's soundtrack, but only an instrumental version plays in the movie.


	9. Finale

Ezra watched as Nick was arrested a few minutes later. "This is great, but I still don't understand what was up with this Nick guy in the first place!"

"I'LL tell you why!" cried Nick. "It's because I'm not Nick."

"Who are you, then?" gasped Phineas.

Nick unmasked himself to reveal a black blob. "I'm...the Phantom Blot! Mickey's enemy from the comics!"

"What the heck was with all of this?" exclaimed Gus.

"I'm obscure like the rest of you," hissed the Blot. "I didn't want to be forgotten, as everyone eventually was, aside from dorky people on the Internet. So I decided to shove you all out of the way to make room for myself! I rented out the building that became the Happiness Hotel and sent fake letters from Mulan to Mickey requesting them at Hong Kong. Then I sent other fake messages to the guards at the park, telling them to keep these characters out."

"Why didn't you block the Hitchhikers?" asked Ming-Na.

"Because Mickey sent them himself. I was unprepared."

Orange Bird angrily hopped over. "And how come Mickey ignored us when we asked to come back?"

"Simple. I blocked all messages."

"But what about the stone dragon?" asked Radio. "Why were you after that?"

"I would become famous for the villain who not only held up dozens of obscure guys against their will, but I would also have stolen the stone dragon from Mulan! Now the plan's failed."

"Not really," said Ezra. "See, you did this all as Nick. People would remember HIM for it, if it was ever figured out. After all, you framed Ming-Na for it. If anything, they'd remember her!"

The Blot looked embarrassed. "I suppose I didn't think it all through, did I?"

"Nope," grinned Ezra, "but now that we've revealed you, you'll be famous again!"

The Blot brightened up. "I will, won't I? I'm back! THE BLOT IS BACK!"

The police car drove away with the Blot laughing hysterically in the back.

Ezra waved happily. "Bye! Goodbye! Be happy! Great job!" The second the car turned a corner, the ghost rolled his eyes. "...what a freak."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days later, everyone was once again riding in the cargo hold.

"This sucks," said Gus.

"Hey," shrugged Ezra, "at least Ming-Na got her job back!"

Gus nodded. "I can't believe Mushu admitted she wasn't that bad."

"Are you really staying in China?" Phineas sadly asked Ming-Na.

"Sorry," said Ming-Na. "I figured since I went through all that trouble to get a job, it would be stupid not to stay for a month or two. But I'll join you in Florida. Promise."

"I won't love anyone until then!" cried Phineas.

Ming-Na kissed him. "I won't either."

"And they're both naive enough to keep their word..." whispered Ezra.

Lampy lit up. "And better yet, I got a new bulb!"

"Hey, guys, Lampy's right!" nodded Ezra. "We gotta look on the bright side!"

"Literally," added Lampy.

"Ha ha. I mean, Mulan said she would consider putting in a Haunted Mansion!"

"Well, yeah," admitted Phineas. "There's that."

"We are now over Disney World," announced a man.

"Do we get parachutes this time?" Ezra asked hopefully.

"Yes an animated girl insisted."

"What a relief," said Phineas.

Parachutes intact, everyone opened the hold and jumped out towards sunny Florida. As they were drifting, Ariel flew by, grabbing Ezra. "Ariel? What are you doing here?"

"That cameo, remember?"

"Oh," said Ezra. "But how did you get up here?"

"I used your cannon. You know, the one you thought was secret."

The Orange Bird flew by, actually happy for a change. "I'm coming home! I'm so happy, I could...SING!"

"Didn't see that coming..." said Gus.

Orange Bird: **_We had dirty jokes_**

Toaster: **_We had altered songs_**

Ezra:**_ Had a real good time and solved the crime and stopped all wrong_**

All: **_A parody_**

Air Conditioner: **_I can't believe we pulled it off_**

Gurgi: **_Starring everybody _**

Basil: **_And me_**

Phineas: **_There was spectacle_**

Ezra: **_There was fantasy _**

Ariel: **_Where we took a chance_**

Ming-Na: **_And saw romance end happily_**

Phineas: **_A parody_**

Ming-Na: **_Oh, Phinny_**

Orange Bird: **_I just love a happy ending _**

Phineas: **_One for everybody_**

Ming-Na: **_Everybody_**

Uncle Deadly: **_Everybody_**

All: **_Everybody_**

Kirby: **_Everybody_**

Gus: **_Everybody_**

All: **_Everybody in the world_**

_**And me!**_

Toaster: **_And me!_**

Lampy:**_ And me!_**

Balnkey: **_And me!_**

Radio: **_And me!_**

Mr. Toad: **_And me!_**

Sam: **_And me!_**

Ollie: **_And me!_**

Orange Bird: **_And me!_**

Icabod: **_And me!_**

Newsman (still on TV): **_And me!_**

O'Malley: **_And me!_**

Alley Cats:**_ And me!_**

Ariel: **_And me!_**

Ezra: **_And me! _**Enough already!


	10. BONUS SONG: Stories of the Bride

(To the tune of "Remains of the Day" from _Corpse Birde_)

Ezra: Hey! **_Here at the mansion, we have origins_**

_**Tales of woe or all our sins**_

_**But of all the ghosts here who haunt the inside**_

_**One who has the most stories is our bride**_

Phineas and Gus: **_Yeah, yeah, our bride needs a plot_**

_**Seems like everyone has gave one a shot**_

_**Some are decent, but others really rot**_

_**And we just can't tell what's real and what's not**_

_**Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah**_

_**Yeah yeah yeah**_

Ezra: **_Well, the tale starts out when a guy proposes_**

_**After the big wedding, it all comes up roses**_

_**Too bad our little bride don't know what she's in for**_

'_**Cause her groom is really a pirate named Gore**_

_**And when she found out, he killed her, she's dead**_

_**And was dumped in a well where the water turned red**_

Phineas and Gus: **_Yeah, yeah, our bride needs a plot_**

_**Seems like everyone has gave one a shot**_

_**Some are decent, but others really rot**_

_**And we just can't tell what's real and what's not**_

_**Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah**_

_**Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah**_

_**Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah**_

_**Yeah yeah yeah**_

Ezra: **_In Phantom Manor, her ride's devoted_**

_**And as for Hatbox Ghost, he got the demoted**_

_**But both of those things don't relate to this soul**_

_**Another version of how death took its' toll**_

_**Was a different wedding with our host**_

_**Naturally, they were both live and not ghosts**_

_**A wedding game of hide and seek was played**_

_**And the attic was where the bride's old chest stayed**_

_**So she inside and there she laid**_

Phineas: And then?

Ezra: She waited

Gus: And then?

Ezra: There in the shadows, was it her man?

Phineas and Gus: And then?

Ezra: Het little heart beat sooooooo loud

Phineas and Gus: AND THEN?

Ezra: And then Leota shut and locked the trunk

_**Now the Imagineers couldn't straighten the facts**_

_**Because in a rehab they just tossed her an axe**_

_**The movie had her looking like some kids' mom**_

_**I guess it's good that the thing was a bomb**_

_**It's depressing that the poor girl's so confused**_

_**Because of all the stories that have been used**_

_**Yes, we all agree that we'd be satisfied**_

_**That they'd get a true plot for...the...bride!**_

All: **_Yeah, yeah, our bride needs a plot_**

_**Seems like everyone has gave one a shot**_

_**Some are decent, but others really rot**_

**_And we just can't tell what's real and what's not!_**


End file.
